Friday, May 6, 2011

I'm still here...

I have sat down & started typing this post maybe a hundred times over the past two weeks.
I just couldn't do it.
My hearts been heavy (as have my eyes from the stress & tears).
I feel like a complete failure.
Like I chose the wrong profession.
 Like maybe I didn't follow God's plan for my life.

Shortly after break I was told that I was being let go after this school year.
I was told that it was for budget reasons by one person & teacher performance by another.

I have never received an unsatisfactory mark on my observations and was told I was making good progress towards our school's teacher development plan, which ultimately decides our tenure.

In all honesty, I was trapped in the middle of something that I couldn't control.

After meeting with my union president (& his meeting with our union rep for NYS), it was determined that what my school is doing to me is illegal.

 It's a long, messy story & as much as I would love to vent and share it with my fellow bloggy friends ( I wish I could so that I could get some honest advice), I really can't just blast all the gory details over the internet. Never know who reads this lil 'ol blog of mine.

Now the choice is mine whether or not I want to pursue the option of keeping my job.
A whole lot of prayer and longing for the Lord's guidance has been going on.
How will I know if I'm making the right decision?

Just in the time since I was told about my job, the Lord has brought some pretty amazing people into my life. People I never knew shared my faith. Isn't that amazing how He knows just what to send our way when we need it most?

My first thought was oh no, what will this mean for my husbands dream? We had just decided to take a huge leap of faith and let him pursue his dream & here I was losing our only income. Satan has made every attempt to break me. I'm struggling, in all honesty. This is hard. I'm trying to be a light in such a dark situation. I'm trying not to let this affect how I am with my firsties. I'm trying to answer everyone's question of "what next, what now, where are you applying" with a kind heart and soft words. It's really hard.

I know there is a perfect plan for my life and this is just a speed bump. I appreciate all of you and your uplifting posts. I haven't been completely gone. I just haven't been in the right mind to post anything happy.

I'm hoping I can turn that attitude around because I have fallen in love with this blog world. I look forward to checking blogs on my lunch break & rushing home to check them after work. You are all such an inspiration to me & you could never know how much you have helped me these past few weeks just by doing what you do. 
Just amazing teachers sharing their passion with the rest of us.

I hope I haven't scared you all away with my rather emotional post.
 It was time to write this.
Time to put it out there.
 Time to admit that things aren't always perfect in my life.
Time to admit that I need prayer.
I need support.
 I need a smiling face.

So, thank you all for being those things for me.